I have a Nintendo Wii, which I'm extremely happy with. Apart from one tiny, yet crucial, aspect - I've developed gamers atrophy.

You see, people have been saying for years that GCSE's are getting easier every year, and there's no actual proof because we can't go back in time and find out. With the Wii, you can. Well, you can't retake GCSE's or try it on with the really hot girl at school that every body fancied, which you would do, you'd be like "fuck it, i don't care if i fail the GCSE's, i'm getting laid" but therein lies the morality, is it wrong to sleep with someone that age, even though her birthdate is older than yours?

I've gone on some weird twisted tangent... erm, the Wii! aha, yes, of course! My point is people have been saying video games are getting easier to play, and thanks to the Wii's virtual console, we can actually see the proof.

Give me Half Life 2, or Halo 3, I'll do those games with my eyes closed whilst making an omelette, yet, give me all the time in the world and a copy of Donkey Kong Country and lo and behold, I'm the video gaming equivalent of Steven Hawking vs Linford Christy. I just can't get anywhere, fast.

Last night I spent one hour. That's 60 minutes, lots of seconds, on one level, ONE! And I still haven't finished it! The same goes for Super Mario World, which in my opinion, is still one of the finest video games ever created.

So a couple of weeks ago, I downloaded Mario World onto my virtual console, thought it'd be a good idea for me and Adam to play through the levels. We managed upto level 5, had more lives than nineteen cats, and wasted them all.

Can you imagine the horror we felt? that sheer unadulterated horror, for two twenty-somethings who have a distinct gaming pedigree, we'd been playing games for nigh on twenty years.

It's also a head fuck, that game came out in 1990. I was 8. I completed that game then, and now, I can't even get off the first fucking world. So yeh, I've developed social skills, I've had girlfriends, I've done all the cool things in life, and I've experienced the horrors of the real world, yet I can't come anywhere even close to something I achieved when I was 8!

It's bringing back the whole Duckhunt thing, with that fucking dog laughing at me, and we all know what dog spells backwards, so really, it's God himself laughing! Why must you mock me, oh Lord! *falls onto my knees and cries!*

That aside, I've got to say, I've been playing the older games far more than I have any of the newer ones, apart from bowling on Wii Sports, but I have an addiction to bowling. The older games truly are amazing, and it's completely understood why they've stood the test of time.

See people out there, go for older things in life! *coughs* ME! *coughs*